some wrinkles can only be ironed out

Grad school changes you - you don't come out the same.

I've vomitted more this year than I have at any point in the past. Last night was the most recent. I think it's mainly stress - it shows up first in my tense neck muscles, followed by a headache and drowsiness. Yesterday I didn't slow down when I should have and even after an attempted appeasal nap, my weekend trip to work on my research had to be cancelled. My stomach violently voiced approval to the cancellation and the merciful, I slept. But I was glad, for in the midst of feeling miserable I still was able to

1. wonder at the root word's connection to the meaning and
2. affirm God's character - looking out for my best despite my feelings or circumstance

I am so weak. And fear-led.

This week was such a blessing - starting at Dayton Junior High, being surrounded by daffodils and cherry blossoms and realizing with a start that this fear was what I used to guide my choices instead of remember the character of God and his children. God wants the best for me, and not just for me but for all of the world. I found myself saying outloud that God is looking out for me, God wants the best for me.

How differently I can live.