Attraction doesn't have to become sexual

I had epiphany today that attraction doesn't have to turn sexual. We get to decide if we turn the attraction sexual or toward friendship. I remember the native American proverb of two wolves fighting in all of us. The one that wins is the one I feed. Thanks M for being a part of this realization. A further question could be which attraction is harder to nurture? What are the variables?

Hope You Change

Pain may be the price of love, but disappointment is the price of hope. M, I thought you would change, or maybe I hoped you'd live up to who I thought you were. Still might happen but each disappoint rips away another thread of hope and care. https://youtu.be/4afd9Zd4-kE

I miss hugging, I miss touch

Our current virus outbreak has increased isolation and decreased touch. We're all starving for physical comfort and companionship. Breach some barriers today by sending a virtual hug to a friend. Describe how you'd see, approach, touch, hold him/her. How your body would react with joy: heat, heart. Thank her/him for a sacred space to experience this touch.

sharing received

Being present in the good work of sharing me: humbly - I can't tie up my life in a simple outline -carefully - still treading lightly in a prayer to not wound. The words came our right - oh what love God has lavished upon us! The timing was right - I felt it and was prepared with my dedication.

It was hard to look up, to look in the circled faces and I was trembling. It was cold and I like warm. But I was doing good work and after emotions surprised us, the ignored faces helping and me daring, I looked up, searching.

And they were all there. Not smiling as I was used to and comfortable with. But there. The unnamed fear of being ignored, left. Faces were trying to understand - oh what love. Face were set in concentration and the work of redoing perceptions and scema - oh the love. Each face was present and attentive, all unique.

An illusion of prostitution gracefully shown to be a non-issue as my love gift was safely received by love attention. 'Tis an honor to receive, 'tis an honor to give.

Amazing Grace

In York Minster, one of the world's finest cathedrals, there is a plaque to William Wilburforce. I posed next to it. Wilburforce is burried in Westminster Abbey, famed local, near another plaque. The greatest plaque to Wilburforce, however, was the Act to Abolish slavery in the entire English empire.

Currently there are women in Iran, informing the population of the rights of women and of the current abuses, such as domestic violence. Some of these women have been given the choice to leave their homeland instead of becoming martyrs in Iranian prisons. One of them, Fariba Davoodi Mohajer, plans to return to Iran despire likely arrest.

After watching Amazing Grace, the story of "Wilbur's" journey to abolish slavery, I thought I might too be asked to know what I have believed and to act on it in love. As much as a journey to Iran seemed good, it is also something I could not do right now. I wondered aloud about what we might do to help others, such as the Iranian women. One friend suggested letting others know about these women was one thing we can do.

So meet, Fariba.

some wrinkles can only be ironed out

Grad school changes you - you don't come out the same.

I've vomitted more this year than I have at any point in the past. Last night was the most recent. I think it's mainly stress - it shows up first in my tense neck muscles, followed by a headache and drowsiness. Yesterday I didn't slow down when I should have and even after an attempted appeasal nap, my weekend trip to work on my research had to be cancelled. My stomach violently voiced approval to the cancellation and the merciful, I slept. But I was glad, for in the midst of feeling miserable I still was able to

1. wonder at the root word's connection to the meaning and
2. affirm God's character - looking out for my best despite my feelings or circumstance

I am so weak. And fear-led.

This week was such a blessing - starting at Dayton Junior High, being surrounded by daffodils and cherry blossoms and realizing with a start that this fear was what I used to guide my choices instead of remember the character of God and his children. God wants the best for me, and not just for me but for all of the world. I found myself saying outloud that God is looking out for me, God wants the best for me.

How differently I can live.

tiras comicas

Today was a lot like the corresponding Far Side Gallery2007 daily caledar tear-off.

Picture a family of fish huddled on a tabletop around their glass fishbowl, with their watery house going up in flames. The father fish says "Well, thank God we all made it out in time. . . . 'Course, now we're equally screwed."

back-up plans change

Hey bro,

I guess I always figured the farm as a second home and that maybe even as early as this fall I could be working near there, living there with Aunt Charlotte and Uncle Ralph.

But the ditches are being covered over, according to Dad.

I'd never considered, I've never wanted to consider, housing developments coming to the Heights.

It puts a stop on my heart.

At the same time, my heart is pulled at Dad's words of home. Am I needed there, and more Is there a mission?

Maybe we could buy some property together, maybe we could have a place in the city and a place in the country. Maybe there could be a community.

Thanks for praying with me. I don't even know what I want but you remember my heart. Thanks, bro.

I love you, and Brenda and Mom and Dad.

Keep dreaming.

"God, why are you putting up obvious road blocks? Is there some other way you want us to try. For now, I know only prayer: the need for direction and you."

Ash Wednesday

Tonight I remember

• from dust I came
• I must toil for food
• I have not yet reached a state of rest
• my maker
• if I toil only to sustain my dusty state, I am soul-less
• I must observe my maker

http://nfclent.wordpress.com/tag/daily-reading/

Fat Tuesday listed

Tuesday, Fat Tuesday

I passed my final ETS (Math!) PRAISE THE LORD

Spent a lovely evening with Mandy and her family. Carissa is talking! and comes to me! She snuggled in my arms and I was so blessed. God, do you feel the same when I come to you, smiling into you, trusting and relaxing, just being?

Today was a good day at school – starting off with a song, diffusing any anxiety.

Last night was so good of a time with Irene. She loves food, is a great cook and revels in the strong flavors. She layered onions and lemon atop Alaska Salmon. I brought the chocolate chip bar cookies I had made and they were much appreciated. Irene is still busy with her part-time job and many volunteer opportunities, so she doesn’t get around to making pies or desserts much. The mint chocolate chip ice cream went nicely with the cookies. Merritt showed me some of the slides of Alaska which he has been organizing. And Irene and I had such a wonderful time of sharing and prayer.

Tonight I have not had a time of devotions like I had planned – oh and I just remembered the laundry. Will have to switch it to the drier with one of the last drier sheets I received my junior year in college – haven’t had to buy one yet – and let it sit dry overnight

I really do like The Lake House the more I ponder it and . . . . Dawn claims that I am a serial movie watcher.

Tomorrow is lent

Feb. 19: Dear Daniel

Dear Daniel,

There is a dull light outside and a yellow light within. Makes it a good day for staying indoors to study. Although I have been studying, I have also been playing quite a bit of solitaire this afternoon: good for processing thoughts and recent movies: The Lakehouse and Music and Lyrics. While I do enjoy the plot in the former and Hugh Grant’s wit in the latter, both pictured unhealthy relationship and culture phenomenon as normal. I really must write something phenomenal.

How’s this for a movie?
I call it 8 Cousins and it is the story of my life over the last six months.

• It starts with a trip with Cousin #1: Jennifer and Chrissy to see Grandpa,
• Cousin #2: Chad in the MAT program,
• Cousins #3Nancy and #3b Kelly,
• a massive family and friends’ reunion (Janel of Janel and Brian is now on my MySpace friends list) at Grandpa’s funeral,
• connecting with #4 Mary Bel,
• then #5 Dan and #5bTami Cammack,
• #6 Irene Tegler,
• then #7 Joel and #7b Mark Kelly at Yearly Meeting,
• dinners with #8 Jan and #9 Meghan,
• Thanksgiving with #10 Richard, Katie, Daisy, Margaret and Bill Edmison,
• finding creative ways around saying “She/He’s my cousin” when asked how I know ___
• catching up with #11 Steve at Christmas
• talking with #12b Bill and #12 Betty Kelly about teaching possibility in Morocco
• finally getting together with #13 Jennifer Johnson and her family this past Saturday. Who knew we now live only 26 miles and 30 minutes apart? She lives on the route we took as kids between Grandpa and Grandma’s Rosedale farm and Newberg during Yearly Meeting.

The “b” labels distinguish the supporting cousins. Maybe I should re-title it: my Newberg Cousins: a quaker family, 13 cousins, White’s 13 (racist feel?), Joyce’s 13 (hey, gear up for Ocean’s 13!) or My Brother’s Cousins.

To catch you up, we have been having a variety of weather states: sunshine and warm temperature, cooler weather, rain – especially in the evenings, wind, and more sun peaking through the clouds. I have enjoyed the rare sunsets.

Lent is coming – I just learned that the Sundays during lent are supposed to be a time of celebration. I plan to use a collection of scripture and meditations put together by Jo Lewis for my reflection time, which I have moved. I have been getting up with time only to dress and go to school – previous bad habit revisited. However, this week I am experimenting with moving it to the exact same time as Chrissy, in Rwanda. She plans to do devotions between 6am and 7:30am her time. My time, that is from 8 to 9:30pm. That is my experiment time for the week.

This afternoon, I have a date with Irene and Merritt Tegler at their home near Oregon City. We plan to have Salmon and ice cream and I will bring the chocolate cookie bars.

I brought some of the a’ fore mentioned bars with me when I visited Jen, Lonnie, Eric, Justin and Scotty. Jen and I went to watch Music and Lyrics and ate Chinese food. I recognized the computer came Runescape, which Eric and Justin were busy playing and gave tips on how to monopolize the sheep market. Then I lost against Scotty in both Wii baseball and Wii bowling. I also played with him in Tennis and successful managed to lower his average to just over Pro. I tried hitting his Wii character in the back of the head with the tennis ball, but I think there may be a flaw in the game. =)

How's the business? How are all your jv pals? Learn any new teaching tricks? I'm up for trying almost anything. Chrissy's advice is to not engage students in "argument" type conversations. I'd forgotten that. Maybe you could be a guest speaking, and come tell the students what a messed up life they could have if they don't buckle down and learn Spanish. Hmm, I suppose that might not be completely honest.

Last thing: if you were on MySpace with a bunch of friends your age, and then one of your JV kids asked to be connected to you as your "friend," your response would be . . .?